Three
Questions to Ask Before you Start Criticizing
by
Michael Hidalgo
As
anyone who’s spent any amount of time on the Internet knows, we do not need
more criticism in our world today.
It’s
easy to criticize anyone or anything. This is compounded with the fact that we
can offer criticism on nearly anything—even this article (see comment section
below).
We
don’t need more criticism, but we do need better criticism.
It’s
worth noting those frequently found with words of criticism on their lips are
often not worth engaging. I say this because their first inclination is to
judge. And those who judge too quickly are often closed and negative.
However,
the opposite is just as true. Those who occasionally share fair criticism
displaying wisdom and insight are worth engaging all the time. These are men
and women whose first inclination is to learn. And those who wish to learn are
hopeful, open and humble.
Criticism
can serve as a building block or a wrecking ball. We need to treat it with
great care.
Telling
the difference between these two types of critics is important because
criticism can be a wonderful teacher if we are open to it. I say, “can be” because there are few things in this world I have
both learned more from and reacted poorly to than criticism. There have been
many times when my work or I have been criticized by others, and I have found
myself open to the words offered me. But then there are other times when my
work or I have been criticized and I launch into a combative, defensive
attitude.
And
I know I am not alone. Many of us struggle mightily with criticism even though
we know it is a great teacher. This is precisely why I believe we need better
criticism. Criticism can serve as a building block or a wrecking ball. We need
to treat it with great care.
There
are certainly a number of things that can be a catalyst for better criticism.
My hope is to ask a few questions to start a conversation about improving how
we offer criticism. Below are three questions we can ask ourselves before we
give criticism and when we receive criticism.
Is
This About Being Better or About Being Right?
The
first thing to remember when giving criticism is that it should not be not
about us. The best criticism I have ever received is only concerned with making
my work or me better. It may sound odd to say, but the best criticism is
selfless.
Those
who share selfless criticism have no desire to be proven right or gain high
ground. Their chief desire is to see us be better. Not long ago, a close friend
sat and shared some hard things with me. He challenged some of my presumptions
and attitudes. Nothing in him wanted to be proven right, but everything in him
wanted me to be better.
His
heart in the matter did not make receiving the criticism easy – I’m not sure
it’s ever easy – but it did make it possible to listen to what he had to say.
This
should be our first filter before we ever offer criticism. Sure, there will be
things that come our way with which we disagree or think are terrible. But
before we open our mouths, we must ask, “Do I feel compelled to say something
because I want to make this person, this work or this situation better?”
Is
This Criticism or Attack?
Good
criticism sticks to the issues at hand. Even if we offer critique to a brother
or sister directly about him or her, we should never move toward labeling,
name-calling or blame.
I
cannot count the number of times I have seen others attack or blame someone in
the name of criticism. As soon as we move beyond the work, beliefs or attitudes
one holds to judging another’s character or motives, we have gone too far.
This
kind of thing is everywhere. Log on to Facebook or Twitter, and scroll through
some of the comments surrounding a theological or political issue. How quickly
do we abandon the issues and attack one another? This is never helpful.
I
have yet to meet someone who has been called a derogatory name who remains
interested in listening. I am not aware of anyone who desires further
conversation after being unfairly labeled or wrongly accused. As much as this
is true, we continue to do this time and again.
Even
if we offer critique to a brother or sister directly about him or her, we
should never move toward labeling, name-calling or blame.
Before
we offer criticism we should ask, “Am I addressing the work or attitude, or am
I attacking the person?” There is a world of difference in that, and if we are
able to discern the difference, we will take another step toward better
criticism.
Is
it Only About What is Wrong?
The
third thing to remember when giving criticism is to speak of what has been done
well. The worst criticism only emphasizes everything that is wrong. This is
little more than tearing something down with no intention of rebuilding.
Contrast that with the criticism that emphasizes how to build on what is
already there.
One
of my good friends is a talented author. When I completed the rough draft of my
second book, I asked her to review it. Honestly, I was terrified with how badly
she would shred it. She did shred it, but that was not all she did.
She
took time to walk through why she made certain comments, what I could do better
and what I had done well. Her honest feedback left me with work to do and
things to improve rather than a manuscript filled with red ink.
Before
we offer criticism, we must always remember we have an opportunity to encourage
one another to move forward. We can point out what they have done well and
explain how they can improve things that can be done better. We should ask, “Am
I talking about more than only what is wrong?”
If
we are able to do these things, we may well be on our way to better criticism. Which just may mean, in the end, all of us will be the better for
it.